It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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