Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
