Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
