peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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