Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
