We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
