dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
