Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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