Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
