smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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