a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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