WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
