oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
