He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
