4 words: hood of his car
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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