we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
