I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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