He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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