wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
