my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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