I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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