He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
