small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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