I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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