There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
