Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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