I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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