After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
