Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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