I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
