The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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