I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
