i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
