Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
