I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do vagina's smell?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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