wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
