Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
