i was born a porn star she said
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
