The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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