I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
