What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
