On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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