Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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