I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
