Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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