I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
