I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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