Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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