ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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