I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
