i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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