We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
