theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
