apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
