What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
