So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
