I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
