You're my little dorito
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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