Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
