I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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