i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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