i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
