Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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