I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
