My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
